What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is the constant need to be perfect. It’s when you feel you must meet very high standards in things that you do. You might feel the need to be perfect in every aspect of your life - or maybe it's just certain things. Perfectionism can be about school, work, appearance, cleaning or personal relationships. It often involves setting unrealistic high standards for yourself.

The problem is that the standards are too high so you end up feeling like a failure. Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well; it involves feeling not good enough any time you don't meet your high standards.

Symptoms of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can show up in many ways. Here are some common symptoms:

• Fear of Failure. You worry about making mistakes and fear that any error will lead to criticism or rejection.

• Procrastination. You put off tasks because you’re afraid you won’t do them perfectly.

• Overworking. You spend excessive amounts of time on tasks, even simple ones, to make sure they’re flawless.

• All-or-Nothing Thinking. You see things in black and white; something is either perfect or a total failure.

• Difficulty Relaxing. You find it hard to relax or enjoy activities because you’re always focused on doing things perfectly.

• Self-Criticism. You’re extremely hard on yourself and often feel like you’re not good enough. Many people feel like they are "imposters".

Perfectionism can look different from person to person.

These symptoms can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression. They can affect your relationships and prevent you from enjoying life.

Common Avoidant Behaviours

Avoidant behaviours are actions you take to escape situations where you fear you might not be perfect. These behaviours can prevent you from facing your fears and overcoming perfectionism. Here are some common avoidant behaviours:

• Procrastination. Putting off tasks because you’re afraid you won’t do them perfectly.

• Avoiding Challenges. Steering clear of new or difficult tasks to avoid the possibility of failure.

• Over-preparing. Spending excessive time planning or researching to avoid making mistakes.

• Giving Up. Quitting tasks or projects if they don’t go perfectly from the start.

• Avoiding Social Situations. Staying away from social events or interactions where you fear being judged or criticized.

These avoidant behaviours can limit your growth and keep you stuck in a cycle of perfectionism. They often lead to missed opportunities and increased stress.

Common Safety Behaviours in Perfectionism

Safety behaviours are actions you take to reduce anxiety in situations where you feel the pressure to be perfect. While they might make you feel better in the short term, they can reinforce anxiety in the long run. Here are some common safety behaviours:

• Double-checking: Repeatedly checking your work to ensure there are no mistakes.

• Seeking Reassurance: Asking others for validation or approval.

• Over-Editing: Spending too much time refining and tweaking tasks, never feeling they are good enough.

• Avoiding Feedback: Steering clear of feedback to avoid potential criticism.

• Perfectionistic Planning: Creating overly detailed plans to ensure everything goes perfectly.

These safety behaviours can create a false sense of control and prevent you from developing confidence in your abilities. They can also contribute to increased anxiety and stress.

Understanding these behaviours is the first step in overcoming them. With the help of CBT and a supportive therapist, you can learn healthier ways to cope with your fears.

Learn more about safety behaviours and how they can lead to long-term problems.

Consequences of Perfectionism

Striving for perfectionism can lead to many benefits. But it can also lead to many consequences, here are a few examples of consequences.

1. Stress and Anxiety. People who are perfectionists often feel a lot of pressure to be perfect. This can lead to stress and anxiety because they're always worried about making mistakes and not meeting their high standards.

2. Procrastination. Perfectionists might put off starting tasks because they're afraid they won't do them perfectly. This can lead to procrastination, where they delay doing important work.

3. Burnout. Trying to be perfect all the time can be exhausting. Perfectionists might work too hard and not take breaks, which can lead to burnout—a state of being physically and emotionally drained.

4. Low Self-Esteem. If perfectionists don't achieve their high standards, they might feel like they're not good enough. This can lower their self-esteem and make them feel bad about themselves.

5. Difficulty in Relationships. Perfectionists might have high expectations not just for themselves but for others too. This can make it hard for them to have healthy relationships because they might be critical or hard to please.

6. Fear of Failure. Perfectionists often fear failing, which can prevent them from trying new things. They might avoid taking risks or trying activities where they might not succeed.

7. Inefficiency. Trying to make everything perfect can take a lot of time. Perfectionists might spend too much time on small details, which can make them less efficient in getting things done.

If you find yourself reading this blog post, perhaps striving to be perfect has caused issues in your life. You may want to consider treatment options for perfectionism if you find that it is negatively impacting your life.

CBT Treatment for Perfectionism

One effective way to treat perfectionism is with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT helps you understand and change the thoughts and behaviours that drive your perfectionism.

Here’s how it works:

1. Identifying Negative Thoughts. The first step is to recognize the negative thoughts that fuel your perfectionism. These might be things like “I have to be perfect” or “If I make a mistake, I’m a failure.”

2. Challenging These Thoughts. Once you’ve identified these thoughts, you learn to challenge them. Is it true that you have to be perfect? What’s the worst that could happen if you make a mistake?

3. Changing Behaviours. CBT also involves changing your behaviours. This might mean setting more realistic goals, learning to accept mistakes, and taking breaks when you need them.

4. Practicing Self-Compassion. Part of overcoming perfectionism is learning to be kinder to yourself. This means recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to be imperfect.

5. Gradual Exposure. Sometimes, therapists use a technique called gradual exposure. This involves facing your fears in small steps. For example, you might start by intentionally making a small mistake and seeing that the world doesn’t end.

CBT is a powerful tool for overcoming perfectionism. It helps you break the cycle of unrealistic expectations and self-criticism. It takes time and effort, but with the right support, you can learn to be more accepting of yourself and enjoy life.

7 CBT Tips for Managing Perfectionism

1. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Start by identifying the negative thoughts that fuel your perfectionism. These might be beliefs like “I must be perfect” or “Making a mistake is unacceptable.” Once you recognize these thoughts, challenge their validity. Ask yourself, “Is this true?” or “What’s the worst that could happen if things aren’t perfect?”

2. Set Realistic Goals

Perfectionists often set unrealistic goals that are impossible to achieve. Practice setting goals that are challenging but attainable. Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps, and focus on progress rather than perfection. Celebrate small achievements along the way.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Learn to be kinder to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that imperfection is a natural part of being human. When you fall short of your expectations, remind yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect.

4. Limit Over-Checking and Over-Editing

Perfectionists tend to double-check their work or over-edit tasks to ensure there are no mistakes. Set time limits for these activities. For example, decide that you will only review a document twice before considering it complete. This can help you avoid getting stuck in a cycle of endless refinement.

5. Face Your Fears

Gradual exposure is a CBT technique where you face your fears in small steps. If you fear making mistakes, intentionally allow yourself to make a minor error and observe the outcome. For example, you could include a small typo in an email to a friend. Over time, you’ll learn that making mistakes isn’t as catastrophic as you might think.

6. Embrace Imperfection

Practice doing things imperfectly (or "good enough") on purpose. This might mean turning in a project with a few minor errors or leaving your house a little messy. These small acts can help you become more comfortable with imperfection. It will also reduce the anxiety associated with needing everything to be flawless.

7. Seek Constructive Feedback

Instead of avoiding feedback, learn to seek it out and view it as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat. When receiving feedback, focus on the constructive aspects and how you can improve. Practice not judging yourself or your worth when you receive feedback.

Remember, overcoming perfectionism is a journey. These tips can help you take steps towards a healthier mindset. But it’s also important to seek support from a therapist who can guide you through the process. With time and effort, you can learn to embrace imperfection and live a more balanced life.

CBT Books on Perfectionism

When Perfect isn’t Good Enough

The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism

The Perfectionism Workbook

Connect with a CBT Therapist for Perfectionism

We have a variety of therapists to choose from at our clinic. Learn more about our registered social workers, clinical psychologists and registered psychotherapists. Book a free consultation and our Clinical Directors with match you with a therapist in Ontario. We work with adults and teens and provide psychological assessments to those under 12.