Relationship OCD (ROCD): Symptoms, Tips, and ERP Treatment
Updated: December 11, 2024What is Relationship OCD?
Relationship OCD is also known as ROCD. It is a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) where the obsessions and compulsions are about their relationships. People with ROCD often have intrusive thoughts and doubts about their partner or the relationship. People with ROCD struggle with significant distress and anxiety.
Symptoms of ROCD
ROCD symptoms are characterized by obsessions and compulsions related to relationships. Here are some common examples:
Obsessions:
Constantly doubting your love for your partner
Obsessing over your partner’s flaws
Worrying if your partner truly loves you
Comparing your relationship to others
Compulsions/Rituals:
Repeatedly seeking reassurance from your partner, friends or therapist
Constantly checking your feelings or testing your love
Avoiding situations that trigger doubts
Excessive research about relationships and love (e.g. Google, Reddit)
Excessively researching symptoms related to OCD
Avoidant Behaviours
People with ROCD may avoid situations that trigger their anxiety. Some common avoidant behaviours include:
Avoiding romantic activities or dates
Avoiding conflict with your partner
Staying away from social events with other couples
Avoiding deep conversations about the relationship
Avoiding being around other people who you find “attractive”
Steering clear of places that remind you of past relationship doubts
Ending romantic relationships because of anxiety and obsessions
What are the Core Fears of ROCD?
ROCD feeds on fear and doubt, and these fears can take many forms. Some of the most common include:
Fear of making the “wrong” choice: “What if this isn’t the right person for me?”
Fear of not being good enough: “What if I’m not the partner they deserve?”
Fear of missing out: “What if I’m settling and there’s someone better out there?”
Fear of losing feelings: “What if I don’t love them anymore?”
Fear of deception: “What if they’re hiding something from me?”
These fears often feel urgent and overwhelming, but they’re rooted in anxiety—not reality.
What is Relationship OCD? (ROCD) Source: OCD and Anxiety
What is the Root Cause of ROCD?
ROCD doesn’t have one clear cause. It’s often linked to a mix of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. Some people might have a genetic predisposition to anxiety or OCD. In other words, mental health issues run in their family. Our environment can also predispose us to developing ROCD. For example, you grew up in a home where relationships felt uncertain or your parents emphasized perfection.
At its core, ROCD is an anxiety disorder. It’s not about the quality of your relationship—it’s about how your brain gets stuck in patterns of fear and doubt. Think of it like an overly sensitive smoke alarm, going off even when there’s no real fire. ROCD tricks you into thinking there’s something wrong in your relationship, even when your relationship is healthy and loving.
Prevalence of ROCD
ROCD might feel isolating, but you’re far from alone. Studies suggest that around 1-2% of people experience ROCD symptoms at some point. Among those with OCD, it’s more common— affecting up to 20-30%.
What’s tricky is that ROCD is often misunderstood or overlooked. Many people think of OCD as people who have excessive cleaning rituals. But, OCD can have a variety of themes at its core. People might assume their doubts are normal relationship struggles, so they don’t look for help. But understanding that ROCD is a real condition—and treatable—can be a huge relief.
Treatment for ROCD
Treating ROCD involves evidence-based therapies that can help you manage and reduce symptoms. Here are some effective treatments:
ERP for Relationship OCD (ROCD):
ERP stands for exposure and response prevention therapy. It is a type of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It is an effective treatment option for treating ROCD. It involves exposing yourself to the thoughts and situations that trigger your obsessions. It also consists in eliminating compulsive behaviours. Over time, this helps reduce the power of the obsessions.
Treating ROCD can be tricky because the rituals look very different than your typical OCD with contamination fears. The rituals can look like coping strategies (e.g. positive self-talk or mental rituals), which many therapists will overlook. Many therapists may inadvertently teach you “coping strategies” that will become rituals.
Exposure ideas for ROCD should based on the person's unique symptoms. Think of your avoidant and compulsive behaviours. For example, if you avoid dating because of your obsessions, a good exposure might involve activities around dating. For instance, you could make a dating profile, go on a casual or romantic date, etc. Imaginal exposure of your worst fears coming true is another effective strategy in ERP.
Learn about ERP for OCD.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT):
CBT helps you understand and change the thought patterns that fuel your obsessions. It teaches you skills to manage anxiety and cope with intrusive thoughts.
Learn about CBT.
Medication:
In some cases, medications can help manage OCD symptoms (e.g. selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Consult a psychiatrist or family doctor to see if this option is right for you.
Book a free consultation to learn how ERP can help you build a healthy relationship without debilitating anxiety. We will match you with an OCD therapist in Ontario. * Servicing all of Ontario.
7 Tips if You Have ROCD
Acknowledge Your Thoughts:
Recognize that your obsessive thoughts are a part of ROCD and not a reflection of reality. Try to leave the thoughts alone if you can.
Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness can help you stay grounded and reduce the impact of intrusive thoughts. It’s best to practice mindfulness at regular intervals (e.g. in the morning and before you go to bed) so that you don’t use it as a compulsion.
Limit Reassurance Seeking:
Avoid seeking constant reassurance from your partner or others. This can reinforce the obsessions. Avoid using Google or Reddit to find reassurance that it’s just your OCD.
Challenge Negative Thoughts:
Use CBT techniques to challenge and reframe negative thoughts about your relationship. It’s best to create balanced thoughts as opposed to positive thoughts. Positive thoughts are prone to become mental compulsions. E.g. instead of “My partner may not be right for me”, maybe you could say “I love them very much but it’s hard to know for sure if there is someone out there better for me”.
Set Boundaries:
Create boundaries around time spent on compulsive behaviours, such as checking or researching. If you can slowly drop your compulsive behaviours over time, you will find that you start to obsess less!
Focus on the Present:
Engage in activities that keep you present and connected with your partner.
Seek Professional Help:
A therapist experienced in OCD can provide the support and tools you need to manage ROCD. At Virtual CBT Psychotherapy, we have a variety of therapists to choose from who are experienced with ERP. Book a free consultation today to to if we can help. Click the tab below to get started.
Resources for OCD
If you’re struggling with ROCD, there are resources available to help you:
Ontario Psychological Association (OPA):
Find a licensed therapist in Ontario who specializes in OCD. Visit psych.on.ca for more information.
CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health):
CAMH offers various mental health services, including treatment for OCD. Visit camh.ca to learn more.
Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) Ontario:
CMHA provides support and resources for mental health issues. Visit ontario.cmha.ca for local services.
Our favourite website for OCD: International OCD Foundation
Self-Help Books for OCD
Connect with an ERP Therapist for ROCD
ROCD can be challenging and can impact the quality of your life. But with the right support and treatment, you can manage your symptoms and have healthier relationships. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and ROCD is treatable with ERP.
Book a Free Consultation to Get Started
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